the wife with a knife: a little something to offend/intrigue you....

I used to have Dining In Dallas/Dine-o-Bite, but since I live in a city where the one of the nicest restaurants has curbside service and specializes in "Triple Dippers," I now have to write about my kitchen conquests. I kind of work, but both jobs are work from home, and my dog and I only have so much to talk about.

Here are some important things you need to know about me my kitchen:

1) I only use good sh*t. Ingredients, cookware, wine. Sh*tty sh*t leads to sh*tty food. I’m trying not to have my husband leave me for a better cook, ergo, I use nice things. Good wine is a necessity solely because drinking is fun, and drinking wine makes you look like a grown up. (I have a fondness for really nice cabs and really shitty screw top sav b. Sue me).

2) I don’t have stacks of cash. I got everything given to me, and if my husband leaves any money out, I will steal it. In fact, if you leave cash in an open space, it’s fair game. (and if you leave your wallet on my counter, that counts as an open space).

3) If you don’t have nice stuff here’s my advice: Get Married. Register for ridiculous things. Your ~~cheap~~ young friends will get you a spoon, your parents rich friends will buy you a Vitamix. What’s that? Your parents don’t have rich friends? Get new parents. Kitchenaid > Mom & Dad

4) I live in Midland. I can’t make fresh fish often, and I refuse to eat tilapia. It is gross and for people who have no taste buds or like to eat animals that eat other animals excrement. Tilapia eat larva, fish poop, and sometimes grass. Barf . To read more on your favorite fish, see here: Tilapia are gross

5) I think mayo is disgusting, and I judge those who eat it.

6) I am VERY judgmental.

7) I will eat aioli though.

8) I actually am a good cook. So good in fact, that it only took my husband 5 months to propose.

9) Did I say months? I meant 5 years.

10) I cook most weeknights—all we have in the Tall Shitty is Mexican food and Subway. My sister swears she found a black & curly in one of her subs, so she won’t eat it anymore. It’s also one of the restaurants that lady doctors say not to eat while you are pregnant, which probably says a lot about what chemicals are in it. I’ve also just decided never to eat subway again.

11) I’m not PC. I will probably offend you, but I make badass food that you’ll probably want to try to make.

12) I don't really follow recipes. I work from home and watch food network all day. I'm also chubby and just know what tastes good together.

13) I might be a sociopath, and it is my opinion that small dogs are actually cats. I hate cats.

14) My favorite foods are Flamin hot funyuns, shock tarts, heirloom tomatoes, Adderall, seared tuna, eggs, brie cheese (well pretty much any cheese besides bleu cheese), sauvignon blanc, raw oysters, kids chicken fingers from any country club and roasted broccoli.

Below are just some of the things I've been cooking up.

Pan Seared Halibut with a wild mushroom, asparagus and pancetta risotto, topped with white wine and parsley steamed muscles. Arugula oil

Chinese spiced grilled chicken atop a butter lettuce salad with fresh ginger dressing, steamed baby bok choy, with quinoa fried rice, sriracha drizzle.